Hello Bell, Sorry I missed your earlier post. I can't think of any words that could possibly describe how you are both feeling at present, to have gone through all you have been through and then for this ugly beast to raise its head once more. The shock must have been compounded that you had been given to believe all was ok. The only saving grace is that had Paul not gone for the steptoplasty then you would have remained ignorant and by the time it did become evident, it could have been too late. As least you now have some kind of chance, which I, and it seems everyone else here hope you will come through.

Hi Bell,
I have just been reading your post and I feel so bad for you. To be 2 years along and then to have to go through all this is just about everone's fear I'm sure. I know deep down even though my husband's 'c' has been 12 months now I still have this tiny little fear that hits me now and then.
My husband was diagnosed 2 weeks before our daughter was Married and to tell you how tough it was would be a understatement - but - we got through it with big smiles on our face, friends and family were just wonderful in making sure Katherine had the best day ever. You also will find that strength for your daughter and it will be a glorious day for you all. I look forward in hearing all about it and you will be in my prayers.
Tracey

Hi Tracey ,so nice to read your posting. Everybody on MCF including Dr Vinod of course !! are so precious and most importantly true and honest .It truly helps to be able to confer and discuss the primal fear that envelopes us all ,Patients and carers.I feel personally to be able to put thoughts down at the peak of disdain and worry at any time of the night and day is a life line in keeping sanity and emotional turmoil under control .Although I am only a carer and it is my husband who is having to suffer the trauma the help here gives me some insight into being a better wife with more understanding of what to expect and be stronger for him .This forum has been like a life line for Paul and I learning about treatments and coping tecniques through all the various and harrowing operations, RT and Chemo.Although most of us have never met in person there is a family bonding of care and people seem to know the right things to say by way of their postings to make you feel you are not isolated and alone .Most of all there always seem to be a positive vibe that filters throught.Giving fortitude to get through the treatments and the waiting time time for biopsies and coping strategies afterwards.Even reading your post makes me feel stronger .I understand about your fear Tracey always worrying when the clinic is going to say the words you don't want to hear .Paul and I were on the road to being so positive then bang,but I know we always have it at the back of our mind and when it came up we always used to say "What if this time at clinic " then we went forward with the usual clches of being in the wrong place at the wrong time ...being hit with a car etc so then we would settle down again and go with the, take each day as if it were your last and enjoy everything to the max ,what "If's", become a waste of energy.It is just so hard when you hear the dreaded words and have to once again prepare for the fight and build up the strength to accept what you may be cannot change but realize you need to go for positivity as it is the only route to survival,and sometimes you need reminded of that .It has taken us a week or two now to build back up to this and thanks to yourself and everybody else here on this forum we are ready to face the next round .
Thank you for your kind words Tracey.

We wish you and your husband Tracey Lee good health.
Will post once we know what is the next step.

Love Bell x

What is it about 'bad news' coming around the time our kids are getting married?!!! My son was due to be wed when I was told my cancer had returned and that I needed another operation to remove the remaining half of my bottom jawbone. I had to tell Dan that I wouldn't be well enough to be at his wedding. He said if I couldn't be at his wedding then he wasn't getting married! I told him not to be daft as everything was arranged (for a month hence) but he was adamant and, unknown to me, he got on the phone to the Register Office and by some miracle got a slot for the following Saturday - we had two days to sort out the arrangements and let everyone know - fortunately we did it and it turned out to be the most wonderful day imaginable! That was three years ago - during that time I have had three more battles with cancer. I'm still here to tell the tale and I thank God for every day I'm blessed with (particularly as I have a lovely little grand-daughter now) All good wishes Bell, to you and Paul (I'll hold you in my prayers) Brenda.

Hello Brenda ,thank you for your reply ,what an amzing lady you are !!!.Carried on to your link and read your diary or blogspot,it was a journey indeed to learn of your personal experience through your treatments and even more inspiring to see that each time you have come through and living life to the full with your fundraising and family.I think it was just what Paul need to read as it has given him more confidence in the sense that a reoccurrence can be treated and have a positive outcome .

Weddings Brenda ,yes I agree with you ,when Paul was first diagnosed our middle daughter was to be married they had been going out 10 years ,met at school.The groom took a nervous breakdown 2 months before the wedding and everything had to be cancelled !!! then Paul had to start his treatment so not a great occasion for us at moment the Wedding Word .Paul has made it clear Tracey's wedding will go as planned regardless and will not be moved in this.So I am praying we will break the Wedding "HEX" this time Brenda.

Thank you for your support Brenda,and we wish you good health and strength in the coming years .Will keep posting as and when we know what is ahead.

Kindest wishes Bell & Paul.