hi
i was just wondering if mouth cancer can he hereditery the reason i was asking is as you know i lost my mum to mouth cancer now my brother has it he went into hospital today and gets his operation on the 8th i am ok with him as i am not close to him like i was with mum don't get me wrong i love my brother he understands that i can't go up to see him as it is still raw with mums cancer i said i would phone tosee how he is i feel it is the drink that caused there i have smoked on and off for 20 yrs but never touch drink in 20years he has smoked and drank for the last 5 yrs since his divorce but in saying that mum drank since she was in her 20's smoked to but stopped for 5 yrs

Liz, This is a tragic thing to say the least. To have this happen twice in one family and in the same area is almost gut wrenching. However I cannot help but say that I would have been devastated had my siblings not have been there for me because we lost our Mother to CANCER as well. I am not my Mother and tho her death was pure HELL on all of us kids, I could not have done as well as I did without there support. They were right there with me. If either one of them would have told me that they could not be there because of Moma, that would have hurt me deeply. I am sure that your Brother was being a kind soul when he told you that he "understood" your decission not to be there. He just witnessed the passing of his Mum as well AND with the very same thing that he NOW has. The fear alone must be tearing him into. It certainly would me. I mean not knowing what in the world is happening to us is how most of us have HANDLED all this. Because if I would have known someone with this and had to watch them struggle every moment of everyday, I just don't know how I could have accepted this in my own life. Yet here is your Brother having the very thing that your Mum just had and she lost her battle, and he is doing this without his family's support. How terribly sad. However if this was you, you would want, need and deserve all the love and support you could get. Look at all of us on here are we not ALL looking for just that, LOVE, SUPPORT, KINDNESS, UNDERSTANDING, FRIENDSHIP & PEACE. If I were you and this was my Brother, I would be there with him. He sounds like a wonderful, strong and loving Brother. Just my opinion,,,By the way We also lost out Father right after our Mother passed away,,,,,You can handle more than you think you can,,,trust me on that.....we may not want to but we can.....I will add your Brother to my list of prayers,,,,By the way what is his name......

hi vicky
i can understand what you are saying but i can't i am not leaving him he knows i am here for him i just can't bring myself to go back to that hospital to be in the same word as my mum under the same doctor it is breaking my heart seeing him in the same position as my mum was in apart from all that where was he when my mum was ill twice he when to see her while she was in hospital he was the brother that treated mum like a peace of s**t he pull a pillow out from under her head because she was sleeping and he wanted to talk he never let her sleep he threw a pint of water over her because she was sleeping and he wanted to talk he would wake her at all hours day or night cause he wanted to talk he wouldverbally abuse her mum death was hard enough and to go through it again is even harder don't get me wrong i love my brother and i said i would phone and see how he was but please take into consideration that i have my own health problem i am wheelchair bound i have just got over an phnemonial chest infection i have lost the power in both legs i am unable to do anything my self i am sorry if my first message offended you but please try and understand i am not an uncaring person i do love my brother and i do care even though it sound like i don't but i do

Liz, I did not mean to say that you do not care about your brother., it is just at times like this we need to think about those that are being attacked by the disease. It is amazing what we can do when we put our minds to it. This was just the way I felt about this. I can say this because I have been where you are. EXACTLY!! The words I just said to you were said to me, and they stung me just like they did you. However I also realized that I was being SELFISH. I was thinking of only my own feelings. My pain, my hurt. Like someone once told me--the truth is not always a pretty picture. So I took a very deep breath and I did what needed to be done. I was and am a better person because of it...This is me,,,,not you,,,,this is one hell of a disease and there just is no time for tomorrow's i did not mean to hurt your feelings.....

hi vicky
no am the one who should be sorry i got a fright as i didn't expect a reply dr vindod was right it was only advice i didn;t have to accept it i thought i had hurt your feelings and that hurt me if i can't handle the advice give then i shouldn't ask for it i spoke to my brother jim yesterday and again this morning he is ok i double checked that he was ok with me not going up he still said yes but i will try and go and see him after his operation he will need clothes for coming out i will try and take them sorry once again
liz c