For the benefit of our friends at the other side of the pond Dudley is a quiet backward version of Montgomery, Allabama
URGENT EARTHQUAKE APPEAL.
At 00.53 Thursday 24 November an earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter scale hit Dudley West Midlands causing untold disruption and distress..
Many were woken long before their Giro arrived.Several priceless collections of momentos from the Balearics and Blackpool's golden mile were damaged.
Three areas of historic and scientifically important litter were disturbed. Thousands are confused and bewidered,trying to come to terms with the fact that something actually happened in Dudley.
One resident, Donna- Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother of three said "it was such a shock,little Chantal-Leanne ran into my bedroom crying.My youngest two,Tyler-Morgan and Megan Storm slept through it all.
My punter got dressed and left without paying.I was still shaking the next morning when the milkman called for his usual.
According to the police,however, looting ,mugging and joyriding continued as normal.
The Red Cross have shipped 4000 crates of tomato ketchup to the area to help the stricken masses.Rescue workers are still sifting through the rubble and have found large quantities of benefit books. heroin ond cheap costume jewellery.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
£2 buys chips and blue pop for a family of four
£10 takes a family to Stourport for the day where the children can play on an unfenced canal bank amongst the national collection of stinging nettles.
22p pays for a biro to fill in false compensation claims
Please act now

Sue will this do?
Keep smiling
John
with appologies to the residents of Dudley.

Absolutely brilliant John, I fell about laughing!
You could do this for a living, perhaps ITV would sign you up and free us from the Jungle 'Celebs'!
Sue
x

Nice on John here is another one
A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee" replied another.
"It has gotten to where I cannot hear anything anymore." said one in the loudest voice of the group.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," claimed another.
"I can't even remember what I'm doing half the time; if I don't make myself a note I forget what I am trying to do in the first place" chimed yet another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence... "Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank the Lord we can all still drive."

and For all liverpool fans.
The gov have just held a referendum on if we should adopt the euro all the country voted for except liverpool where they voted to keep the Giro

I like them Maurice,
It's getting difficult to find a suitable reply, but try this one ,it should rattle your chains a little.
One day God said to Gabriel "Hey up Gabby Lad 'ahm banna mek a new county an' I'll call it Yorkshire.It'l be a grand place with rolling dales and wild hills,swift flowing rivers full of fish and there will be some luvly fowk livin theer called Tykes.
There will be lush fertile vales in which people can raise cattle and grow food crops.There will be green forests and under the land will be rich veins of coal for the people to mine.
Around the coast I will create some of the most beautiful areas in the world,sandy beaches and cliffs that will attract all manner of wildlife,it will be a paradise for all who go there.
Around the shores will be an abundance of sealife and under the waters will be reserves of oil and gas for power and heating."
Gabriel looked puzzled and after some moments of thought said "S'cuse me Boss don't you think you are being a little too generous to these Tykes?"
The Lord answered "Not at all lad ,you won't think that when you see the neighbours I'm giving them!"
Over to you Maurice
Keep Smiling
John

Hi John,
Sign posted at a golf club in Scottsdale, Arizona:
>
>
>
>
>1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
>
>2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
>
>3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
>
>4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
>
>5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER
>
>6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
>
>7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
>
>8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
>
>9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING TO GO.
>
>10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
>
>
>WELL DONE - NOW FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF

Nah then Maurice Lad just a quick 'un to end the day.
God invented wars to improve our geography.
Keep Smiling
John

What a double act!
Loving it!!!

Maurice you are a week overdue! So here is another one to keep up the momentum.
Heaven is where:-
The police are British
The chefs Italian
The mechanics German
The lovers French
and it is all organised by the Swiss
Hell is where:-
The police are German
The chefs British
The mechanics French
The lovers Swiss
and it is all organised by the Italians
Keep Smiling
John

Hows this John bit risky?

THREE MEN


Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker, and one was a Homosexual.


The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."


The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.


While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.


His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.

The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said, "You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

, jokes help us reflect on our own weaknessness: "Lead Us Not Into Temptation"

yes but if we are not temted why do they have confession

The joke made me LAUGH

Glad you're back Paul. Where have you been?
Sue

And where is Vikki Lynne?

Hi Sue, Well I am still around but trying to work out why?
I feel nothing to go on for in the pain and the way bpeople treat you and see you as deaf,dumb & stupid!
How much can anyone person take ?


Paul

Hi Paul, I feel very sad reading your reply, I am at a loss as to how to reply or help. I am not in a position to apologise for these pathetic humans you have come across! You sound in need of support not just physically. Our society, asdeveloped as it is, is hopeless at providing this for any fellow person who is sufferingfor what ever reason. If I can help in any way I will. You are always welcome to visit me I can't live far from you. I will send you a private message.
Sue
x
PS I've got a sticky space bar! Words keep joiningup!!