Dear Latika,
I just missed you on line as I was on the net via my mobile and as my signals kept coming and going, I could not reply right away.

Latika, we'll talk about my signature etc. later. Tell me something - would you like me to go to AIIMS and meet your Dad and his treating doctor. If you notice - I too was finally moved to AIIMS, where I thought I had had it but it turned out the best thing that could have happened to me. Call it luck or anything, being a case study for AIIMS and Rajiv Gandhi Cancer Institute, has given me a lot of access to the top notch doctors and am never ever made to wait to meet them. Even if I have to get admitted, they put me up in the VVIPs room (where I understand the PM and other ministers are put up - especially when they have been found guilty of some fraud or scam and they almost always have heart problems!). I would be more then pleased and happy if I can be of help to your Dad and your family and it will not be going out of my way as my check up is due (it was due about 18 months ago - I never went!) and I can use the opportunity not just to get myself checked As per the doctors my cancer seems to have returned and there is not much they can do for me and cannot even give me a time frame as they cannot figure out how my body is taking everything and I not feeling it.

Even if it means I skip my check up - AIIMS is abot ten minutes from my home and I go past the same almost twice a week to meet the 25 terminally ill, kids who I am looking after to take them out for a drive or some treat. I could go to AIIMS without going out of my way. Its your call Latika.
I know how you must be feeling but at times things do work out. Noone ever gave me a chance and every operation I went through was like going in for a eath sentence as I was critical all the while. There is nothing that surprises me anymore. As you said earlier-the treatment depends on ones approach and knowing the big bosses. In this case I do and can ask the doctors excatly what the problem is. As for the bleeding, even I had the same problem and in fact the doctor asked my mum to call the whole family and everyone had gathered around at 0430 am as the bleeding would not stop. It was suddenly then I opened my eyes and asked as to why everyone was there. The doctors still cant figure out how or what had happened to me. So, there is always hope and I am really hopeful the doctors do a good job in treating your Dad. It also depends a lot on the doctor treating. If you give me all the information - his name, family name etc. I can go there even tomorrow -05th. of June or at any other time you feel I should.

Now just a short line - my signature about living forever is because of what I mentioned above - evertime they said - dead, I would sit up and get them to put on the TV for the cricket matches!! I know this is not the time for jokes but a smile does help and I do hope you have a smile on your face. About being strong - its not strength but just not looking at death as an option. I look at it in a very practical manner - its the circle of life.

Waiting for your reply,
Take care and lots of love from this end,
Ananth

Hello all,
Let the smiles continue as a bit of laughter never did hurt anyone. In fact, it has been said that humor and laughter helps in healing faster. .... and face facts - Laughter is the best form of medicine. I have no idea as to why many of you'll with such a great sense of humor have decided not to send in any funny material, as it is a joint effort that will make someone or another happy, another comfortable, another forget the pains, another snap out of depressions. Come on and put in some stuff that you know will make life better for a lot of people.
Lots of love to all,
Ananth

This is my contribution for the day:

_______________________________________________
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...
______________________________________________
........ You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

... and I am sorry, I could not resist sharing this one with all. It has to do with my pug - BUDO. It goes like this......


Why Does Budo (my pug) never uses Computers?

The Top Reasons he does not use Computers

17. He can't stick their heads out of Windows 95.

16. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

15. He finds it hard to read the monitor with his head cocked to one side.

14. He finds it too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.

13. Can't help attacking the screen when he hears "You've Got Mail."

12. Fire hydrant icon is simply frustrating.

11. He keeps bruising noses trying to catch that JPEG frisbee.

10. He is not at all fooled by Dogmore Screen Saver.

9. He is still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.

8. Oh, but he WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

7. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

6. 'Cause Budo is not a GEEK! Now, cats, on the other hand...

5. His barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

4. Smell-U-Smell- Me still in beta test.

3. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

2. His saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.

and finally the Number 1 Reason Budo does not use Computers...

1. TrO{gO HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *

hi ananth,
once again thanks for ur reply , i would be very grateful to you if you can do something,i just want the assurity that doctors from AIIMS did their best...i'm not after any special treatment but just that somebody can take some time to actually go through the reports and see if there is any possibility to make him live a little bit longer....or some sort of treatment can be given....i'm little bit embarrassed that i dont even know you and i'm asking for help...i'm sorry to hear that you are in the same situation,what did doctors advise you??keep me updated..i can imagine what kind of emotional rollcoster u mite b on...

My Dad's name is BHAGWAN SINGH NEGI or under BHAGWAN SINGH, he lives in L-1/245 B, kalkaji,new delhi -19 ,his contact no is 9810144172 and my mums no is 9810403853...we are from tehri garhwal ,well my mum is from calcutta..my parents are very simple..thats why i worry about them,whatever doctor said, they just cried and came home..its ridiculous...if i would have been there, i would have gone crazy...honestly i loose my temper very easily..

Ananth,it would be very helpful of you if you can look into this....i dont know how i'm going to repay u for your efforts and time ...but i'm sure god will...
i will take ur message on board ...live forever as life is short ...

kind regards...
take care....
latika

Hey everyone, Don't you just love our Senior Citizens:


Wisdom

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, and man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars...We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and," pausing to take another drink of beer...

The senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young....so we invented them.

Now, you arrogant little shit-head, what are you doing for the next generation?"

I love senior citizens.



Keep on Laughing, Cricket

Dear Cricket,
This one I just loved as it is a topic on which I wrote a newspaper article just last week!!!

Lots of love,
Ananth

Ananth, I would love to read that article some time. It's something that interests me. Glad you enjoyed the joke! Sometimes timing is everything!

Well, here's another one to add to the collection of funnies:

------------------------------------------


An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge toward him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and
raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as
a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice.

The light went out.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen."


Keep on laughing, Cricket

where jokes come from before the internet.
There was a great article i remember reading, from a reporter in Coco Beach Florida.

It was the when the space shuttle blew up.
I was living in melbourne florida building houses at the time. ( 1983-84?) I remember we stopped work and took a break on the roof to watch the shuttle blast off and when we realized something was wrong and heard the radio the whole jobsite just packed up and went home. that evening atdinner there were no cars on the road and we went to dinner at a like a TGIfridays type of restaurant and nobody spoke you could hear a pin drop. I flew back up north to New England a week later. And heard all these really sick jokes about the space
shuttle blowing up and NASA. They werent told down where we lived right around Coco Beach.
But they eventually made theyre way there.
Well a reporter picked up on them and decided to trace were they came from ( this was pre internet remember). So he did who told you , who told you , who told you.
Well he found the source it was also the source of all the racial jokes and really really sick humor jokes.

the source of these jokes was PRISONS.
the prisoners would pass them on to lawyers who faxed them around to each other and theyre friends. I happened to have 2 best friends who are lawyers and remember the faxes they used to get with jokes on them back in then,
So everytime i hear a racist joke or a joke you know wouldnt be told in public i remember the article.
Im not saying any of your jokes here are racist or bad

(but if you are the joke telling kind i know youve got a few that youve heard that you wouldnt dare repeat on here)
But when someone tells me sick or racist joke i always like to tell them i know where the joke came from and about the reporter who traced the space shuttle and racist jokes.

A termite walks into a bar and says is the bar tender here.


Is the bar.....tender here

Hi Victor,
To begin with I am really sorry to see you on this site as I am never happy to welcome people to the site who are going through the crap called Cancer. Anyway - all I can add to this is that you have entered a great place where everyone goes out of their way to help each other. I am not too aware of your problem and hence cannot comment on the same but I see other people who already have begun and thats great.

Coming to Racial jokes -I think they are in poor taste and its more so when you know at which particular community it is directed at. I doubt if there are any race or religions that have not been the target of racial jokes and more then often, without thinking people just blurt them out. I agree with you - I have heard so many such jokes that I would never ever repeat them not just here but anywhere else.
However, there are people and very well educated ones at that who get some kind of sadistic pleasure in running down people of another race or religion and its only of now they get back what they give. I can believe where the jokes you mentioned originated from and its hardly a surprise.
Here we tend to stay away from such tardy stuff as we are all here to support one another and not to run down anyone. If even by error something does get in and someone notices and informs Dr. Joshi - it is edited and removed at once. I try and keep this column going as I think laughter is one of the best medicines. It relieves you of a lot of pain, aches, worries etc. for some time at least and I am sure almost or all would like that to happen in their lives.
I do hope you will also add to the post some great jokes from your end and cheer up some people.

Take care Victor,
regards,
Ananth

ananth i wasnt trying to make a comment about racist jokes. It was just a story i remembered about where some jokes come from. I guess prisoners have alot of time to make jokes up
and because of their circumstances i guess there not nice jokes. I was just more facinated
how the reporter traced them all back.

Dear Victor,
I know you were not making any comment about racist jobs and were basically tryingnto explain from where most of such jokes come around from. I read somewhere excatly what you mentioned and some of them are really sick. They do not leave out anyone and each one has something against the other - based more on color and religion (not so much though) - and thats what is damaging.
In India - we claim we are not racists but I would like to say something on this issue. I think, we, Indians are the biggest racists in the world and noone really looks at us in that light and hence we get away. You may be aware of the caste system in India - where we have four castes - the Brahmins (who are the keeper of the Gods - and evev this is subdivided. Some Brahmins can enter only to a point in a temple and you have to be the highest caste of a Brahmin to go up to the main alter!!), we then have the Kshatriyas (pronounced without the K) - who are the warrior class and their origin was the eldest son of all hindus would join the warriors against all attacks. Over a period of time this too became a caste and everyone born to this caste though are hindus are and will always remain Kshatriyas, Then come the Sudras or the Merchants - they were the shopekeepers, traders etc. who kept the economy afloat and finally we have the Vaishiyas - who are the untouchables and are the lowest on the rung. All of the castes are withen the framework of hinduism but now coming to the racial bit - A Brahmin family would not like their offsprings to marry into the other castes and the same remains for the nest two castes. The last caste have it really bad and even on date they are looked down upon and however well educated etc. they may be - a family from the other castes will never even think of getting into a relationship with them. This is true even to the most modern of hindus - who are very well educated, live a great life or even live abroad. This in tunr has created a lot of bad blood as the government decided to do something to bridge the great divide but even after 50 odd years of Independence - nothing has worked. The government has gone to the extent where more then a decent percentage of the scheduled castes (as they are called)are given admission into top institutions - medical, IT etc. Being a hindu of the first three castes and say I get 95% in my exams to join a medical college and a one sheduled caste student scores even a 30% or even less is taken into the institution. You can well imagine the bad blood that exists and it is wide open and blatant. You will find these caste people everywhere where the government has a say - airhostesses, ministers, doctors, enigineers etc. Would you like to be treated by a doctor who became a doctor just because he belonged to this caste or would you prefer to be treated by a doctor who scored 95% and went on further to become a even better doctor.
I know I have given you a lecture on Hindu racism but it was just to show how bad the situation can be. One has to be very acreful not to agitate anyone as one never knows what the others reaction will be as a sect, religion, color, langauge etc. We all have a mindset at the moment about islam and this is the entire world we are talking about. India meanwhile has the largest muslim population in the world. Its so funny that the hindus will tolerate any religion but not religion withen the system of hinduism itself.
There is nooone who is not to blame- even I, my family, my sons - everyone. We are willing to let our kids marry christans, jews etc. - but one will not tolerate an african or a muslim. The same applies to the muslims who will never marry into a hindu family. a lot of Africans follow Islam - so that is no issue. However, a Hindu has to be born a hindu and he can convert to ant religion of his choice - even to islam but none of the other relgions can convert to hinduism. A lot have tried (the Beatles for example) - its all on the surface. They are not accepted.
I just thought you may enjoy reading this part of racism. In fact this is a wide area of debate and I would really love to talk about it not just about racism in India but in all countries. It would be really fun. Would you like to give it a try? No offence of any kind as I really do agree with you about the prisoners and just decided to give in a little more input. Hope you enjoyed this bit of history . looking forward to hearing from you and some good jokes from your end on this post.

Take care Victor and keep your chin right up there and always be happy - thats one way I have realised is the way to fight the trauma that all of us have/are going through.

Love and hugs,- I have it in plenty for everyone.!!!!
Ananth

Hello all my dear friends,
The joker is here again - with a new one. Hope you all have a good laugh.
Love to all,
Ananth


Mystery Solved! - Where Do Deleted Characters Go?


Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?

ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:

The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and contraception."

The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower -case letters will become upper-case.

The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.

The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC hell also.

Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!

Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not making this up.

IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.

PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!

Hello all,
Either noone enjoys jokes, the best of which I sift through(kidding) just for all you lovely people or noone likes to post any or read anymore.I really hope you'll have not lost your sense of humor as that would be a crisis and I have just the answer for that:

Thoughts to Get You Through a Crisis

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic, and then give in.

One good turn gets most of the blankets.

No matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.

It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion - not proof - to destroy it.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

It is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.

You can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.

Ex-wives and Ex-husbands are like fungus, and keep coming back.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.

There is a fine line between genius and insanity.

The people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away, and the real pains in the ass are permanent.

Once over the hill, you pick up speed.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes, I even put it in the food.

If it weren't for stress, I'd have no energy at all.

Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

... and finally for the day -Monday/09.08.2008

.......I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much so as to keep me hanging around amid all the mortals!!!!!

Lots and lots of love to all,
Ananth

Here's one that I thought was pretty good!


IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a large enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two."

We haven't used Sears repair since.
________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman , KS ________________________________________________

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

From Kansas City !
________________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
________________________________________________

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with a co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

________________________________________________


IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for a dear co-worker: She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was at Texas Instruments.
________________________________________________


IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office.
________________________________________________


IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver¢s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "Its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
_____________________________________________________________

STAY ALERT!

They walk among us.

They REPRODUCE.

And they VOTE!!!




Keep on Laughing, Cricket

Delia Smith is a respected cook in the UK:

Delia's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice-cream drips.
The Real Woman's Way
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Delia's Way
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
The Real Woman's Way
Buy Smash and keep it in the cupboard for up to a year.

Delia's Way
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
The Real Woman's Way
Tescos' sell cakes. They even do decorated versions.

Delia's Way
If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice.
The Real Woman's Way
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough sh!t. Please recite with me the Real Woman's motto: 'I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.'

Delia's Way
Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks
The Real Woman's Way
It could keep forever. Who eats it?

Delia's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
The Real Woman's Way
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of vodka. Drink the vodka. You might still have the headache, but you wont give a sh*t?

Delia's Way
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves.
They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
The Real Woman's Way
Why do I have a man?

Finally the most important tip

Delia's Way
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles
The Real Woman's Way
Left over wine???? Helloooo????