Had to delete the Confucius jokes post as it upset a member:

quote:

Crude, little boys behind the bicycle shed type "humour". Uncomfortable reading to come upon on this award winning site. If I had found this on the site when I joined 3+ years ago, I wouldnt have returned. My sense of humour is very wide, but this is not funny.

Frozen Skunk

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, 'It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?'

He says, 'OK, Get in the car with it.'

The wife says, 'Where shall I put it to get it warm?'

He says, 'Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there.'

'But what about the smell?' said the wife.

'Just hold its little nose' he said.

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.


"keep on laughin", all the best, Cricket

Dear Dr. Joshi,
Thats perfectly fine - one cannot make everyone happy and I am glad that the member mentioned his/her feeling as it helps in toning down the nature of the jokes.
My apologies to the member.
With love and the warm hugs,
Ananth

Hi all,
Not intended to hurt anyone in anyway - just enjoy the joke.
Love,
Ananth

WIFE KNOWS BEST

A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?"

He angrily looks at her and says, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E Logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"

"Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn't close right"

"Fix the Fridge Door??? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so!"

"Ok", she says, "then you could at least fix the front door steps. They're about to break."

"I ain't no damn Carpenter and I don't wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I've got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough. I'm off to the bar!"

After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife. As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed. As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed."

"Darling, how'd you get all this fixed?"

She replies: "Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him."

He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Helllllloooooo.......Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

Hi all - its me again - back to either get you'll to laugh or sulk (pleeease no offence meant to anyone).
With love to all and especially to all the Brits
Ananth

-British Signs
---------------

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN
THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING
IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE
DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT
BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY
CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Hi again,
I apologise for being a pain - but this one was too good not to share and am sure you will all agree with me. Its all about a British Band that made history with its songs - one being:

If The Beatles Were Computer Geeks...
......Sing along with me now... -come on all....

Yesterdaaaay...

Yesterdaaaay, All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenllllyyy, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestone hanging over me.
The system crashed so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong...
What it was, I could not say.
Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterdaaaay, The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterdaaaay.

Hope you all sang it and had a laugh as well.
Love you all,
Ananth

PRICELESS! Ananth... again you made me smile ~~~~~~~~~
Nancy

hi ananth,,,,
i'm new to MCF..i was searching for some details on mouth cancer...my dad is in last stage of throat cancer and he only had 10 session of radiation therapy and he is been advised there is nothing they can do...i came across your story..i hope some miracle happens for my dad ..he is 55yr old..but in india you need to have approach..you should know people to get things done...unfortunately...in my dad's case ...we will have to accept wht doc says..if there is nothing..i will have to see my dad dying day by day...i feel terrible..i wish i was with them and not so far away..life is so tough sometimes...i wish i can die or suffer on behalf of my dad...
you are a very strong man..well done !

Dear Latika,
Though its nice to hear from you, I truly wish it were under better circumstances. Where is your Dad being treated? Its equally important as knowing the right place and have the approach,as you said, as well.

I would really and truly be of any assistance if you can give me all the details.There are always two sides to every coin - one is where what the patient wants done and the second what the doctors want to do. The biggest problem is the mental state of the patient and once the patient decides on something particular as to the kind of treatment he/she want the doctors can only advise and not force anything.

Latika, even stage four at which I too was diagnosed and as most throat cancer patients are diagnosed at, as symptoms show up only around the time is not always a death sentence. At 55 he is still young enough to take on the taxing medication that is involved - the radiation, chemo and if at all the surgery. Would you be able to give me all the details - so that I may speak to my doctors, who are truly wonderful people and see what best is possible for your Dad. I know it must be terrible for you to be so far away from home and keep worrying about your Dad.Never, however, wish you could take his place or anyone elses as he has led his life and will continue to do so in any manner that is chosen for him and you too have a life that you have to lead as there are others who love you as much as you love your Dad. Just letting your Dad know you are thinking of him will make him feel really happy.

You could mail me on ananthshenoy@email.com also - in which case the mail will come directly to me.

Take care and look after yourself.
With lots of warm regards,
Ananth

Dearest Nancy,
I am really happy you had a good laugh. It does help in fogetting all your troubles like it does in "yesterdaaaay" and you look forward to a good smiling, sunny day.

Keep laughing Mum.....
Love you lots,
Ananth

must admit Ananath some of the Jokes make me laugh

Paul

Dear Paul,
A good laugh will always do you good then create any harm. I am glad you have a sense of humor as its not everyone who feels that every topic must be centred around cancer. This post too is about cancer - and is meant as a way to forget ones pains and discomforts for a while.

Take care paul and do send in some jokes,

Lots of love,
Ananth

Hi all - is everyone loosing their sense of humor? However, I recalled one which i had heard a long time ago when I was in my teens(I was not all that innocent). It goes like this.

A newly married couple gets back from their honeymoon which want of like nothing they had ever known - it was just the bed, bed and the bed.
Finally came the day - they had to return home and the guy had to go back to work. The day he got back to work was extremely tiring as he had a lot to catch up on - however the day had started very well. When the brand new bride asked him what he would like for breakfast, he made love to her and declared that it was his breakfast. In further anticipation ,he came home for lunch and instead of eating anything made love to his wife on the dining table and told her that - this was his lunch.The guy goes back to office after some more bouts and is extremely exhausted not only due to the completion of pending work, but also of not having eaten all day. He comes home half dead on his feet hoping to have a great proper meal.

As he enters his home - he finds his new bride sitting stark naked in front of the fire place with her legs spread wide open. He is completely taken aback as now he is really famished and asks her what she is upto and where is his dinner. She smiles sweetly at him and says " I am just heating up your dinner, sweetheart".
The moral- never club your meals with sex!!

love to all,
Ananth

The Deaf Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him out of ten million bucks; his bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and the reason he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything that he'd ever have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.
The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?"
The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million bucks is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeepers temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!"
The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!"
The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't ya just love lawyers

Keep on Laughing, Cricket

Hi ananth,

Thanks for ur reply,i do believe in ''I intend to live forever. So far, so good'' but when you know ur dear ones are suffering and theres nothing can be done, it does be come hard..
My dad was being treated in AIIMS and was been told a month ago that they cant do anything,he was give 15 radiation ,i guess...and thats it..he is in the house now...dying day by day...i'm planning to go to india in aug 1st week, i dont know if i can do anything....he went back to AIIMS 02/06 as there was lot of blood coming out on 01/06 when he was sick..
They didnt even responded well in AIIMS and was given some pain killer and thats it...
so, i dont know wht can be done...

thanks for ur reply, hope everybody can be strong like u..
Take care
latika