A married man was having an affair with his secretary
.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly
dressed and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and
drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my
secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and shouted, 'You lying *******! You've
been playing golf!'

...............................


Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said
weakly, 'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to,' his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied, 'now just rest and let the poison work.'