As this is an international forum an introduction may be necessary to my joke.

Stars is a UK tv talent competion where contestants are judged on their sound alike quality to their favourite artistes. It is hosted by a lady called Cat Dealy. In a short introduction the contestent tells a little about themselves and is then invited by Cat to disclose who they intend to be on the show. So the joke:-

A contestent limps onto the stage of Stars in Their Eyes:

Cat: Welcome DWR I see that you are limping and I understand that you were involved in a serious accident just after you were told you would be on the show.

DWR: Yes Cat I was almost killed, I was so excited at the phone call teling me I would be on the show that I walked in front of a bus while texting my mate the good news.

Cat: That is terrible DWR but you have recovered well if the limp is all that bothers you.

DWR: Yes but I have my Uncle to thank for that because the bus ran over my legs and they both had to be amputated.

Cat: Well you certainly walk well on artificial legs no wonder you have a slight limp. Did your Uncle design them?

DWR: But Cat that is the point (rolling up his trousers to reveal a pair of hairy legs) they are real. As I arrived at hospital my Mum was already there and told me my Uncle had had a massive coronary and was pronounced dead on arrival and was in the next cubicle. My consultant pulled back the curtain and drew in a breath, he said he could graft my Uncle's legs onto me if the family agreed. My Mum spoke with her sister my Auntie who agreed immediately and there you have them(duisplaying his legs again) beautiful aren't they?

Cat: They sure are but why are you limping.

DWR: That was the consultant's fault he made a mess of the left leg and had to start again cutting off the bit he messed up so it is shorter than the other.

Cat: That is probably too much information DWR this is a family show; but the main point is that you made it and are here so DWR tell me and the audience who are you going to be tonight????

DWR: Well Cat as a tribute to my late uncle and with the organisers prior permission, I changed from my first preference of Bob Dylan and tonight I am proud to say........


Tonight Cat

.................................................................................................................

I am going to be Simon and Halfuncle.



Well I thought it was funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!