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I had posted this on as a reply to a joke in the joke forum and now realise not many people would go into it. Hence, am posting it again and hope you'll all have a great laugh!
This is too funny – I still have tears in my eyes! Finally, a joke that I don't mind forwarding and sharing.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .
12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Take care all,
Live on your beliefs and strength- and you will become immortal.
Hello Ananth--Rosalie here. It has been a long time but since I had my larynx rEmoved am doinfg more stuff with webwhispers, a very good laryngectomee group.
I loved your vodka joke.
How about this.
Guest in hotel came down for breakfast and looked, somewhat surprised, at the miniscule pot of honey beside the toast on the table.
When the waiter came to ask him if everything was alright the guest looked up, and said with mild interest :'I see you keep a bee'.
That made me laugh too!
Regards as always Rosalie