Terry
Yes its starting to get to me and it seems like Vicky said friends and relations do not come around anymore. I guess they figure its catching, I guess. Its funny in a sense seeing wife can't speak that well anymore I have been talking to the dogs we have and i can say some words fairly well without servox. Its odd how we adapt to things I guess its Gods will. Anyway thanks for all the kind words love you all

LaBose, I was a manager where there were over 200 employees. I had friends that had friends that had friends.. My husband is also a manager. We both worked for our companies for over 13 years. So yes we knew just about everyone there was to know. We also have our own business. We both have children who have friends and so on. Neighbors. Need I say more. Where are they all now? WHO KNOWS? I have not talked to a single soul from my old employment in over a year.. All those "friends" I thought I had. All those events, birthdays, births, Funerals Graduations, weddings, holidays.. WOW!!! I invested a lot of time in all of them and all of it..I invested a lot of money as well. Had I of known that I would have been forgotten so easily or just wrote off so quickly----I might have saved some money and some time for myself back then.You know I don't think honestly that I have ever done anyone like this..EVER!!! I have had friends loose loved ones, or near death experiences..I still sent flowers, cards or gifts from time to time just so they would know that I was thinking of them. And with the internet---WOW-----can you ever cheat these days.. You don't even have to leave your home..And still I get nothing..Not even email's...That is what is so sad..It really tore me up at first--- I mean it was bad. I cried daily for the loss of life that I once had. I was always so busy with this or that....I was the 1st one anyone called to get things going. I was the wedding consultant. I made all the flowers and the choreogarpher for everything from Christmas to New Years...I loved my life. I love the interaction of people and their children. I loved my job. I loved my place on this earth. Now I am alone most of the time. My husband works. We still have our business which I still am involved in. Not as much as I once was. I am slowly getting back into it. It is just hard for me. I feel that I am a social outcast. Almost 75% of couples doing things together--there is a dinner table..Since I cannot eat that is out.. We have never drank so that is out. It is my husband and myself. This is our world now. Is it enough..It has to be..It should be I suppose. However I think everyone needs some outside in-put in their lives. I was never one to go over someones home they ALWAYS came to mine.We had the pool. The pool parties and the cook-outs. There are dishes that have not been used in so long I am thinking about selling them all.I have already sold all the BBQ grills. I used to make bread, cakes,pies, cookies, ice cream,, for everyone..LOL..I used to get orders for them..I also knitted and crochet..I have so much yarn Lord I couldn't use that up in 10 years...We used to get together and make things. Just a way of visiting outside the work area..Flower beds, I used to help my friends with making them a flower bed..I loved it...I was just so active in all areas of my life..Not anymore...It is sad...Because I have lost so much more than my voice. MY looks, my ability to function..I have lost my entire world as I knew it.. This has to have been the worst out of all of this..I can't even tell people without difficulity what they are doing to me..Clothing oh wow!! I had three closets of clothes. We were always doing something, somewhere, with someone,.I just gave away 10 30 gallon trash bags full of clothes. I figured someone else can get some use out of them. I don't go anywhere to need them anymore. I have the feeding tube and most of them--well they aren't equiped for that. High heels ---lol----I will never wear them again. Not with this swollen left leg, the one they removed the bone from..Yeah that one..Shorts...Not in public..I will never where them again. Since the bottom half of my leg looks like someone took a meat clever to it..Those all had to go. Make-up--that is another joke,, for what reason...Lipstick...I never knew just how many tubes I had of it.LOL..I will NEVER be able to use that again.My sister loved getting all of it tho.LOL. Like I said my life as I knew it--is over..Vicki died on the surgery table, a NEW Vicki is the one that woke up...Let me tell you a story...I went in to a dermatologists office. I had a sore on my leg that I just could not get rid of. It hurt so badly to be so small. I was in the room when the Doctor walked in. He took one look at me and said this:::I do not want you as a patient of mine. Please follow me out the "back door" as I don't want my other patients to "see" you..I was appauled..I was speechless. Oh trust me I can think of a million things to say now..or within 5 minutes of this encounter..But right then I just couldn't believe what this man was saying to me.. As he was trying to sway me to move,,,he asked,,what happened to your face..He has this look of sheer disgust on his face..By this point I was in tears..I looked at him and said --I will not go out the back door..I walked in the front and I will walk out the front..While I was walking thru the front office..I turned and said ....I have never in my life been treated like trash,,you are the first and the last..And to answer you question about what is wrong with my face....I had CANCER..I got to my car in histerics...I called my husband and of course he couldn't understand a single word I was saying...SO he told me to stay right there--he was on his way to me..I told him some of what happened he didn't need or want to hear it all...He went into the Doctor's office and told him how the cow ate the cabbage!!!You know what tho----what would I have done without my husband....See what I mean....We are so vunderable some times..Most of the time I can handle the comments. The stares..The Looks...But that was one thing I would have never thought a Doctor would do..Just wanted to share my thoughts with you....It has been a year and a half since my surgery...I am not as lonely anymore as I was..I have learned that I am really not bad company--after all...I just never spent anytime with myself....I pray that you will come to find this out about yourselves as well.....Always Vicki Lynn

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Vicki Lynn,

Hi Labose,
We have a blue healer named Shiloh we have had her for 5 years. She does not like to hear Jerry using the servox, right now he is unable to use it because of the fistula. All he has to do is clap his hand and she does what ever he wants her to do. That dog is his very best friend right now besides me. Hope all is okay.

We go to Dallas again on Thursday for another attempt to fix the fistula. Hope this works this time.

Terry

Blue Healers are awesume animals...We used to have one when we had the farm in Oklahoma...She was the best!!!! Smart...They are the smartest dogs....Best of luck to you....I pray that this time will be the one....Vicki Lynn
My niece lives in Bedford, My brother lives in Tyler ...my brother in law lives in Temple...My unlce lives in ForthWorth....LOL....I have family all over your area

Dear Terry, best of luck for Thursday, hope it all goes well this time, we will be thinking of you.

Didnt know you had Blue heelers in America, we met a few when we were on a visit to Australia, super dogs, my Hubby would have brought one home if he could have!

We have an Airdale and a Lashsa Apso the thing is they cannot hear a servox the frquency is to low. But they are great only real friends we have now,and thats ok. Its funny it took me a year to go out of the house felt like a freak with a hole in my neck and no voice. Today i go to store and anyplace I want and tough chit to anyone who stares. I cannot imagine a doctor saying that to me Vickie would have kicked him in the ass, the jerk. Dam love this forum and all you people make my day. Love Bill

Labose, Vicki Lynn
I have to work every day so Jerry goes into to town to get what he needs. He could care less if people stare at his hole in his neck. I myself feel like telling them what the hell are you staring at. People can be so cruel.

But you still have a life and you can not lock yourself in the house

Terry

PS say a little prayer that the surgery helps on thursday

Hi Fran
Thanks for writing, we have alot of blue heelers Tx. When Jerry had the cattle she knew how to work them. She has always been a inside dog thought, a little spoiled. The last time we had to go to Dallas for surgery. I was worried about the neighbors and friends who were checking on the dogs, (the blue heeler and the chihuahua).
Because Shiloh the heeler can be very protective. But they had more trouble with Rosie the chihuaha.

Terry

Vicki Lynn
I go to Temple every other weekend to pick up my grandaughter. My Daughter lives in Austin and we meet in Temple. Was just there on Sunday.

My son in law passed away 4 years ago at the age of 27 from tongue cancer. This curse hits all ages.

Terry

Hi Vicki, read your long message, well having a big clear out of clothes is great, I need to do this myself. Re the Doc, telling you to use the back door, well I have had this reaction when I lived in France with my son, as he is blind and handicapped, a doctor who saw him, said, if he never walks it will be to his avantage, and I should put him in a home and forget him; coming to England people have been very different, apart from a friend's sister a Doctor, invited me for a week-end in her country cottage, see wrote me directions etc, and put don't come with your son as i could not cope with a handicapped child, I never saw her again, and when my friend spoke of her sister in law, I put my fingers in my ears and told her never to mention her in my house.I am sorry that people are so uncouth, ill mannered and so low bred to behave in such a disgusting manner.Big Bear Hugs

Garance, people can be so cruel. I could not imagine someone that I "KNEW" saying that to me! WOW! I would have been so hurt by that. I don't know what this world has come to when people have to be "PERFECT" to fit in. When I was in high school I worked with mentally challenged children. It was wonderful. They taught me more about love--Life--sharing and caring than anyone in my young life. I absolutly loved working with them. I honestly feel that this is what is helping me so much today. Tho I am not like they were, I am looked upon like that. People think that there is something "wrong" with me, because of the way I NOW talk. They are so ignorant about this. Because no one knows anything about Oral Cancer. Hell I didn't before I got this. I never knew you could have Cancer of the mouth. I only knew about Lung, Breast, Ovarian(spelling), Colon and Prostrate. I never heard of TONGUE CANCER---AT ALL!!!! When I was told that is what I had, I passed out. I did. Then I said, once I came too, what? What, How, What!! You know that was 16 years ago....nothing has changed since then......I still don't ever hear anything about it....16 years!!!!!!!!Always, Vicki Lynn

Hi guys can relate to alot what has been said in this posting.
Been there still there comes to mind
Friends (I say loosly) dissapeared
Unable to speak correctly and people often just stare at me in awe
Angry at people who make comments and I cannot answer back
Really pissed at the way I have to eat my gruel now
Had 7 biopsies since my operation and my god no need to tell ANYONE ON HERE WHAT IT DOES TO YOU MENTALLY THE WAIT IS HORENDOUS!!
Thought I was a gonner this time had a PET scan as bleeding inside but it came out clear so now waiting for a CT scan Friday,Its never ending one thing after another I am really pissed.
What for I ask myself to be stuck in doors when I am too weak to go out
To be started at IF I venture out, OK for people to say ignore them but it really takes its toll
I could go on so better go
, Look foward to getting older and trying to live on State Pesion because am unable to work ful time so no Pension I think NOT
Paul

My first time here. Happened upon this site while looking for some easy recipies for dad.
Dad had his larynx removed in 1976. Yes,,76. since then..there has been many, many cancers. Uvula, skin, prostrate, colin, and this past Jan, 2005, was diagnosed with base of tongue, tonsil area. He has had surgery, and or chemo/radiation for all of these cancers...except this last one. He opted for chemo/radiation only. As surgery would have been very extensive. removal of tongue..and part of throat. This was by far the worst of all of his cancers! After 8 weeks of chemo/radiation, he got very ill...had not eaten in almost 3 monthes..lost 45 lbs. by the time they wanted to try a feeding tube..they couldn't get it in, because of thickening of the stomach wall. He was in the hospital all of april.... tried feeing through arm..blood clot developed..then sepsis.. then heart attack.. This has been the worst year of my life. My sister came home to stay with him so i could work...by may, she had had enough,,and NEEDED to go home... I then stayed with dad, and helped for almost 3 monthes. He got better slowly.. and I decided I could safely come home, and go up daily to take him meals, and visit. (Its a very hard thing to take care of someone you love, and watch them fadeing away).
He had a pet scan 2 monthes ago...last month the dr. said a spot still showed..but could be tissue still dying. He said if he didn't like the looks of it by next month, (Aug).. dad should either decide on surgery, or there would be no need for another pet scan. Since last month we have both been on pins and needles...I had this feeling, the doctor was just giving us tiime to let it all sink in....this didn't work!..and Dad was not having this surgery at 77!! he had been through too many over his lifetime. but last monday...his doctor was very pleased...said the area was looking good, and showed marked improvement!...hes so not out of the woods..but things are looking better. Dr said no biopsy needed at this time..and no appt for 3 months!...so If anyone just wants to chat..I will check back...safe day to all,,and be well
Patti

Patti, GOD BLESS YOUR FATHER! WOW!! There is one thing about getting CANCER when you are young.. You grow up with it. It is all you know. I cannot remember my life without it in it. That is sad. Your Father, God love him, has live his life with it as well. So have all of you. It is like a slow slow burn. If you put your guard down--BAMM!! it comes back just long enough to remind you---hey wait just a minute there--I own you--remember me--CANCER is my name. Or this is how I feel about this aweful disease. You know I don't want to suffer but I also don't want my family to either....Though I know they are.....SAD--SO SAD!! Patti, God bles you and yours....Always Vicki Lynn

vicki, although I don't know the ins and outs of your particular cancer......any CANCER is an ominous thing.......you, me all involved suffers. Too bad a lot of the doctors don't.
I am sure you have been though all of the ins and outs of it all...and so don't want to bore u with it all... but would love to chat about life with cancer with you if your willing..one on one..have been to a few sites..and although helpful... need that chat..if u know what i mean... will send my emal if interested in chatting..msn chat..yahoo chat also!
give me a yell... would love to hear your story...as well as vent mine with you!