EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS


1. A man comes into the ER and yells 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab', I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her under- wear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs
and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco


2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA


3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news
when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ' Which one ?' I
asked. 'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !' I had him quickly
undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal
of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted b y Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly
patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered ' Why, not for about twenty years -when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked
'So how's your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste.' Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr . Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit ,


7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room
when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk,sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely
disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks
from laughing so hard 'No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Keep on Laughing, Cricket

very good cricket thanks for the laughs.i was once a good friend of a retired hospital matron,she told me about a young pupil nurse,it was her first day on the ward,she gave her 2 suppositories and told her to give them to the deaf man in bed 4.an hour later she went to check on the old boy to find him sitting up and looking puzzled and there he was with a suppository sticking out of each ear!
another time i was told by a chap who used to be a porter,he was called up to the geriatric ward to collect a dead patient.the sister who had just gone off duty told the new sister to get a porter to remove him.the sister said he is in one of the beds over there so he collected this old boy and took him to the morgue,as he got there his bleeper went off it was the same sister she said come back we have another dead patient so he left the other dead patient on a trolley and went back for the next one.when he went back the previous patient was sitting up on the trolley saying,jesus christ it's bloody cold in here.he had taken the wrong patient.i laughed till i cried at that one.