Dear Friends

As we move closer to the end of another year I would like to thank you for all
the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the
glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to the sick girl who is
about to die in the hospital for the 258th time. But that will change
once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for
participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk
in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for
pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to
seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I took a dislike to Coca-Cola when I was told it can remove toilet stains.

When I buy petrol I have to take a friend along to watch the car so
a serial killer won't crawl in the back seat when I'm filling up.

I now avoid shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food
sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and
Uzbekistan .

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because of that big brown African spider which is
lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

I can't even pick up the fiver I saw in the car park because
it was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting under my car to
grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10
minutes, a large pelican with acute diarrhoea will sit on your
head and refuse to move until.....

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and it
was on Good Morning Australia.

By the way.... did you know that a South American scientist has, after a
lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don't have enough
sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Please keep sending the Emails...preferably to someone else

Keep Smiling
John