Hi there, just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Ian and my dad, Don, was told in August that there was no further treatment that he could be offered for his cancer. He was first diagnosed with laryngeal cancer in 2001, and was cancer free until late 2005 when there was a recurrence, and subsequently he had a Laryngectomy in February this year. The operation was followed by further unrelated health problems, and my Dad was discharged from hospital in June. He had a nosebleed in July, and after being scoped and scanned was told that the cancer had once again recurred this time in his left tonsil and his tongue. In August he was told that no further treatment would be given and that his life expectancy was measured in months. In September he was rushed to hospital bleeding heavily from the mouth and nose, and we were told that it was likely an arterial bleed and wasn't expected to last that day. Since then he has had difficulty swallowing and was recently admitted to hospital for a PEG. Since this has been done he has returned home and things seem to have settled down for the moment. He is on a syringe driver of Diamorphine and Midazolam and takes Oromorph for breakthrough pain, but the main worry is not knowing what to expect next. It's so difficult you just don't know what will happen next. What else can go wrong, will his demise be as quick as all of the other problems that he has encountered. I know doctors don't like to give you any indication of what will happen because I suppose they don't really know themselves to an extent because every individual case is different. I don't suppose it would help too much to know any way, it would just help ease the shock. It's more difficult because apart from the medical and nursing staff who help with my dad, I'm on my own with the whole scenario. I have one brother who stays away because he can't deal with it, but I do not have that choice. I just deal with it, but it is hard

Hello Ian
Sorry to hear of your distress. I think many people are away this weekend. I wish I could find words to comfort you. I lost my father to leukaemia when I was young so understand how helpless you feel as you see someone get to look more and more unwell.

The only practical thing I can say is that the drugs you mention cause constipation and you need to be procative in ensuring oral laxatives or Suppositories are used. Otherwise an unpleasnat bowel treatment which is the last thing Don would want might occur.

Try to take each day as it comes. The end may or may not be smoother than you can know. Noone can know, but by taking one day at a time you will cope better even though I understand your wish to be prepared to make him comfortable.

<< What else can go wrong...>>

Hi Ian,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I do hope some of the people on this forum who have been in similar situations can offer you some good advice. This is a tricky subject for many of us, as it touches on our greatest fear, and it is so hard to find the right words to express what we feel.

It's a real shame that your brother is unable to deal with the situation. Would it help you (and him) if you keep in regular contact by phone, text or e-mail. I'm sure he will regret this later, but we all have different ways of dealing with these situations. Some people need to be with their loved one as much as they can, and some people want to run away and pretend it isn't happening. If your brother has a partner, it may be worth talking to them, to see if they can persuade your brother to take advantage of the remaining time that your Dad has.

I am sure that this will be a very tough time for you. Many friends and family members offer support at these times, and we all feel embarassed at taking up their offers, but they do want to help, so do take them up on their offers, as you will need all the support you can get. If you need emotional support then talk to us, and we will listen and offer what we can. Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers than to those close to you.

Hi Ian, I to have a terminal diagnosis as my Ca Larynx has spread to my lungs. Do you have access to MacMillan or Eleanor Hospice nurses/palliative care team? Your GP can refer your dad and they are a great source of information and support at this stage. They will be able to answer all your questions and offer advice on medication etc. You should also be able to access a palliative care consultant via the nurses should your dad need one. They also offer counselling to the patient and relatives if wanted. This is a free service.
Hope this helps,
take care,
Sue

Yeah, we have access to the Palliative care team, and they are magnificent, they are a great source of help. They review his pain relief medication weekly as he is on a syringe driver of Diamorphine/Midazolam, and this tends to be increased every couple of weeks or so as required. My Dad doesn't want to go to the hospice, it has been mentioned that he could go there for respite, but he just doesn't want to. I sometimes wish he would spend a few days there just so I can catch up on some sleep.

Just to let you all know my dad passed away on Sunday evening (8th). He became terribly ill at the end of November, and subsequently went in to the hospice, where he fought hard to recover but his body was just too weak. He became really sleepy on Boxing Day, and slipped into a coma on Friday. Although I feel totally numb, I know that it was the best his suffering was immense, and my dad ended up around 6 stone, after spending most of his adult life morbidly obese.

my thoughts are with you, my dad is getting close to the end aswell. if you need to chat i am happy to listen

Hello Ian

We all experience sadness at such times of loss. May your father's soul rest in peace.

Best wishes
Vinod

Hi Ian,
Trust me I can well identify the pain and suffering your Dad must have gone through. The worst is besides the cancer also having the illness one has problems that are unrelated to the illness. In my case- its my elder son who is just finishing high school and waiting to join the armed forces ( it is voluntary in India )as its been a family tradition that at least one member from each generation joins the forces. There is no forcing him to join the same. He is one kid who never has visited me in Hospital and even when he did - he would never ever come to see me in my room. Then I have my younger son who is the opposite and wants to be around all the time and is always helping out by bathing me, changing my bandages etc. I dont hold anything against my elder son as I can understand the trauma he is going through and is not able to take the thought of his father going through this phase. Its only now after so many years he has begun to get closer to me but is always very careful and scared at the smallest of things I may complain about. I guess each one have their own way to express their feelings - like your brother.
Who ever said you were alone - you have so many brothers and sisters not just restricted to oe area but all around the world and each one am sure will always be around when you need them.
Take care and trust me your dad has gone to an unbeliveably peaceful place. He is at peace and thats one thing you should be grateful for.
I know at times I do not make sense and ramble on but it hurts when someone passes away even though we all know that it would be better so rather then suffer by living.
Do keep writing in and see the response you get. You are a part of the family now and each one of us needs your support and your contribution would be just a wonderful gift to your Dad.
Take care,
Ananth